Clubs

There are many clubs in life that people don’t choose to be a part of. There’s the dead parents club, the drug addict club, the homeless club, the sexually assaulted club, etc.

These clubs are very exclusive and not everyone will understand why the members are so closely bonded. I could never understand what someone has gone through, until I go through it myself.

My friends tried to be there for me, but as time goes by, people forget. They forget that I was raped so they continue to be friends with Jordan. They forget it happened, so they are tired of hearing about it, regardless of them telling me they’d be there for me. They also don’t fully understand.

How could someone possibly understand? They wouldn’t know I think about it every day. They also wouldn’t know that I am now scared of the night time or that I am scared to be friends with boys now. No one except the club members know.

I get so angry that I was initiated into this club with no say. I had no control and I never wanted to be in this club. No one really wants to be in any of the previously mentioned clubs. Life’s not fair and like the French say — c’est la vie! Such is life and I think thats the part I am struggling with the most.

Life has gone on for everyone else, and I watch them continue to grow and flourish because a lot of my friends aren’t in any of these clubs. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody, but to know 1 in 5 women get raped, why did I have to be that 1? I have 4 best friends and I get so mad that I had to get raped. Every night I play the “what-ifs” in my head. What if I hadn’t drank so much or what if my friends looked out for me? What if Anna never left me and walked me to her house instead of Jordan? What if I went to a different school or what if I had a boyfriend who I was with that night instead?

There’s no use in what-ifs though is there? Whats done is done. I need to accept it preferably sooner rather than later.